forgiveness is where true strength lies. not in anger, or toughness, or impressive violence. I think people know this, but they do not live it. they pretend, because its easier to pretend to be a good dude, than to actually be one. pretending is a cheap mask, a piece of paper cache; the other way is the forging of the heart itself.

people know how to be good people, but most are still pieces of shit. haha okay, maybe not most, but at least like 30%. everyone knows, they really KNOW how to be a good person, and how to be happy. you know how. you know the road to god country, where just stepping on the grass grants the power of flight; eating the grass scatters you merrily into space as billions of stars, a new galactic arm.

you know it all because its the hallmark card:

honesty, love, forgiveness, patience, gentleness, thoughtfulness.

but also martial:

inner strength, bravery, discipline, hard work, self-responsible, dangerous.

these are very familiar. the human soul, in jest and in expression, is very wise, far more wise than any scientist or any other magician novelist fuck.

its no secret what leads to happiness. it is not properly clarified for many that life is also painful; that it is through the suffering one achieves success.

signposts are nice, those can be supplied, but it is the energy and the hard work of the individual that is most vital. so the question is: how to develop another’s energy? how do you make someone high-performance?

first off, you cant. you can’t make anyone else high-performace; you can only make yourself that way. its a funny to thing to want to teach that, its self-defeating haha~

you are wholly responsible for your success. you’re the only who actually affects it. youre it. youre the only one who can. others might influence you this way or that, but thats like the wind, blowing the leaves of a tree. how much effect does that have on the strong tree? even in the hurricane times, when the wind is fierce and the seas tun to blood, the strong tree merely bends. even if all her leaves are ripped away, she grows new ones. such is the eternal wisdom of #nature.

very similar to a tree is you and me. our success comes the same way as success comes to a tree: inner strength, outer gentleness. if you cultivate these two things, you will grow 100 feet tall; millions of being will shelter by you; you will be grandfather grandmother to a faerie forest, and the closest to the sun.

the question is: why don’t people have more energy? why don’t they do what they know is right? why isn’t everyone loving and brave and strong and hard-working, if we all know its correct, its virtuous, its effective, its lucrative. WHY NOT? what the fuck? i mean, its an honest question of mine. why are people so lazy?

i don’t know. i have myself as my only properly researched example. the reason i am not successful is because i’ve been scared, i didn’t believe in my own strength — i attribute that to a few things, childhood, personality, early romance, etc —and i turned my back on love as a teenager. love is everything in life; it is who you are, it is the very light in your eyes. so i turned my back on that, and i was dead, unhappy, mean, all i had was my ego. this happens to a lot of people, i reckon.

teenage heartbreak is real. i’d say half of teenagers enter adulthood with broken hearts, meaning: a suspicious relationship with love. i sure did. fucked me up really bad. i’n just getting over it now, because i know that feeling love is life itself. but when you let Love in, you also let in her sexy sister Pain, with the smile and the blood-red hair.

so i’ve been working on that, resurrecting my heart. this blog is part of that; i want to be a writer, but honestly i’m not really good enough yet. this is practice for my being on multiple levels: i put myself out into the world, i make myself vulnerable; i strive to maintain my sincerity in the face of fear of rejection; to get better at writing, i need to write ALOT; and maybe i’ll get feedback and thus improve faster. so here i am writing, trying to follow my own advice. and even though i’m really nothing right now, just the very act of writing makes me happier. ❤

your unstoppable energy originates from the heart, poetically and physically. a child has an unstoppable heart. their energy is UNREAL, their ability to experience life is deeper and more powerful than an adult’s. the adult heart’s numbness the result of feeling the PAIN the heart inflicts. the abject, horrific hurt of being betrayed, or rejected, for the first time. usually this hurts enough that we distance ourselves from our own hearts; we build a wire-frame cage around it.

as we age, we continue to build this labyrinth wall. it is made out of moment of pain; each wall and passage, a memory of a girl lost, the bricks are broken promises, and the guilt the mortar that binds them. as we go on, experiencing hand-over-fist pain over disappointment, we grow further from out love-center, and thus our energy.

you want to regain your life, your spirit, the real power of your being, you have to go through that structure, so painful, so deep, so personal, and you gotta work that shit out. its tough. it hurts. you can do it, but its not easy.

you life is waiting within your heart, burning with the youfire yet bleeding impaled beneath all the wounds inflicted by you and your girlfriends, still your heart beats invincibly! the heart never ages. you live your entire life with the heart of a child. that is because your being is love, and it is the very energy of your soul, and the soul is eternal.

you’re the only one capable of stopping yourself from getting whatever you want out of life; the gods may move heaven and earth, but they cannot move you. for all their incomprehensible powers of sight, force, and starcreation, they cannot move you. only you can do that.