yeah. it is my nature to express. why is there such a well of sadness in me? if we all began as blank canvas, what kind of painting am i, as you view me from one angle i am laughing, another i am thinking//scowling, and yet another i am a pool of tar. i am sad. i need help.

an ear. thats what i need. one that like my mouth. i don’t know what to do. my authentic self cries out, lonely. i hear it more and more clearly.

i shouldn’t feel defensive when I’m reading by myself, but i do.

so a word means nothing. an angel, a demon and the rainbow machine can speak the same sentence, but their energies are entirely different, aren’t they? i hear the energy. i feel it. unless i allow myself to be deluded, i can always feel a lie.

what happens when someone is telling you the truth as they know it, and you know they are lying? the hideous dark eyes of the universe leer down and laugh: what will you do now briiian? ehemwaahahaha!~    aa..a.

i’m not. you know. blaming. I’m venting. by definition, these words are merely hot air! ahaha get it? ;D ;D 🙂 :l :/ u_u

oh well! because: #god. see? even then i feel it, just writing that, the contestation. is that all in my mind? everything is, ultracosmically, but. sigh.

i am learning so much from life tho. always my eyes look with penetration, and wonder concerning the #paint itself. especially #methepaint!

paint like: all paintings. whether they are blue or yellow, a horse or a funeral, pirate ships at dawn or a whale sailing the aqueous  mystery, it is always paint. paint is the real nature, the painting is simply an idea. an apparent form. but the whale is not real, the horse is an image, the dawn is imagined. only the paint is real.

such is the universe. so the stars shine so real don’t they! so here i am, my thoughts, her thoughts, my feet, the sparrows in the sky, poetry, the laws of physics. don’t they just seem so real! ah, but the walrus and you, and the coconut tree, and me, we are just paintings. with apparent form, we get lost believe we are this thing or that, when we are always the #paint.

can you look past the world and its form, and think: what is the #paint that could paint all of us?

such is #god. my words and my knowledge make me happy. only bliss is worthwhile, beyond even enlightenment itself. it is my nature to flow with words, i cannot help it, any more than a river can help flowing. or a waterfall can help water falling~

oh well! well shit! it is what it is aint it. i affirm life! and all its challenges. and no matter what, from here on and ever, i will always be #teambrian.