this is life. i am bored of this. so what if its safe? so is a nutshell. u don’t know hoe much longer i can keep this up! shit! i really don’t know. i am drained by this non life, lured by the vampire of social acceptance, conformity. but sigh where is the pirate ship? where are my high seas? i am sitting here, so much to do.

but i don’t care at all about any of it. i feel unappreciative. but whose thoughts are those? mine? or someone else’s influence?

i better stop. i have had real, deep, world-shattering ideas come to me. and change my perspective. not this table with its peopled its food, which was once so satisfying i guess, tastes old, and bland, the laughs seem hollow, the apples are plastic, the noodles are not noodles but worms.

anyway. i learned: don’t be ashamed of your imagination brian. i have been, for a long time. i was a very sensitive boy when i was young, with an active mind full, overflowing! with vast rainbow worlds of monsters and knights and magicians and planets of gold and marmoreal aquen ruins beneath. i was convinced, by life, that something was wrong with me. no one in particular, just the general social pressure that represses imagination and uniqueness.

damn its crazy how banal bland i sound, for social opposition to individuality is an exhausted topic but i realize now~

because its so true! and damaging! sigh. chase that bliss brian. you can walk around in the dirt your whole life, afraid to use your wings. or: you can fly! ~thats not much of a choice when you look at it, like that.

i have been the only person in my life. the very fist of god, highest mountain peak of egoism. i reached it. oh no what have i become. seriously. so many things learned yesterday.

what is needed is the new myth

use your imagination. your real one.

people are also people! it isn’t just you.