how can i not? will i ever? oh god

it is so hard for me to forgive myself. often it just feels impossible. i try, and my neck heats up with the energy friction arraign am i trying too hard to be the brian of old and i can’t do it? i can’t! no i can! see this is my head of mine, split by a psychic axe in two, two warring bloody halves. forever. meanwhile, my throat chakra gathers all my deep strifes and they turn purple like plums.

if my head rolls off, i’m warning you it just might so~

I’m trying too hard but idk what else to do! how did i used to be brian? was it always such an effort? have i lost something vital? or did i lose something vital to lose to live proper? life is horribly confusing, even for me, especially for me. i feel ripped from my mind, and pushed into some oubliette a 6 inches above myself. i can operate, but the way you control a rocket socket robot, remotely, i no longer feel my head pop, or the plastic in my veins. I’m just this

blank person. my writing reflects my blankness. am i going insane? sometimes i feel wildly close to god again, but what an ephemeral feeling that is.

the pressure builds. i am volcanic. one day, i will simply lava all over briantown and maybe ill come back as something simpler

like a branch

or a grape

a lovely patch of moss. ah but no

no here i am as brian

sigh

anyway! all i do is bitch seriously. don’t you remember the great wild love that is god the hot girl that is just vibrating in the periphery full of wishgrantings! because she is! she is there! always! in her nine hands is the hundred thousands blessings! ugh i am taking this incarnation too seriously, and truly, there is never anything that should bend me into such a pretzel

not in all the dreamscapes of god

let it out!

a;flkadhf;lksadj;aslkdjas;dliahg[o’w ibfh[woriff;seok;dlsib1!!!!!!!  i just cannot handle the life holy mothershit mothership. i’m glad no one reads this mother~

fuckkkk

kkkkkkkkkkk i can just do this lalalala you should try it its liberating

if you need a writers blocks hammer for your intimidation//ice just do this!

break like a wave of digital ink and flow downwards down this whitepixels like a water water water fallllll

lllllllllll~

i feel better once upon a time there a was a burger. he was delicious but constantly fearful for his life. he had been alive for 3 minutes, and here he was, on a plate, in front of a fat hairy man, slobbering loudly being chooked by his tie. he was turning red and hacking until he loosened his necktie haha oh god this is who eats me not even like a cool dragon or like a kid who is hungry

this bitch. who should be the burger and not me! fuck you fork! you stab foods like me and you just live on!

fork: yes i do! isn’t the world just! so cruel! not that i have anything to do with it. it is your silly misfortune to be so lovely and yummy people create you just for their devouring pleasure and by the looks of this salivating PLANET of a man, you’re goin’ down. you complain more than most.

just then, a meteor hit the restaurant, incinerating everything for a square mile but it was more a round mile but you get it.

the fork melted into a nothing

the nothing that was the burger laughed whew that was close

the meteor looked around sadly and sighed out spacefire. alone again. is there a being in all the multiverse that could withSTAND the HEAT of my FRIENDSHIP????

withering in winter wallows the whipoorwhill. she chirped a song of warmth then died miserably because no one cared.

if i bite the sky hard enough, does it bite back. doesn’t anyone out there know of a wormhole to another somewhere not here into another someone.

sigggghhhh i gain momentum like a wave, and like a wave, i break, and like a broken wave, i am suddenly: not.

 

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